If there is one thing I know, without a doubt, you will never get what you want unless you are willing to ask for it. I know this may not sound profound and in fact, it may even seem to be pretty obvious, however, it is also one of the fears which hold people back from success.
Of course people are not afraid of asking for what they want, all the time. Certainly there will be times when you ask for what you want, however notice the times when you haven’t. Over the years we found this is one of the big differences between people who achieve success and those who struggle to get ahead. Successful people learn how to ask for what they want and when you think about it, it make sense that they are successful.
Here are the things people generally tell themselves as a means for avoiding the fear of asking:
- “I don’t really want it.” This is always a good one, because it is pretty hard to dispute. We have all changed our minds once in a while, so it goes to reason that someone either telling you or themselves that they don’t really want it makes sense, however in a majority of cases, they do want it, they just don’t know how to ask for it.
- “They are going to say no anyway.” This one comes down to protecting oneself from rejection. If you tell yourself the answer will be “no” before you even start, then you never have to face up to the fear of asking and you get to predetermine the result.
- “I’ll ask them, when the time is right (later).” This one has the possibility of “the ask”. The person asking could in fact find the right moment, when they themselves are willing to take the leap to ask. More times than not, they hinge it on the other person and they convince themselves that the time is never right.
At the core of this fear, is the idea of being rejected or being told “no”. When we train people in sales, one of the things we say is get “no” early. There is nothing worse than a “maybe” in sales because it has you continue to waste energy. You call the same person back three times, you send information to them, you visit them and the possibility remains open for the salesperson until the point the individual says “no”.
The same principle applies to individuals. The longer you wait to ask; the longer you think about it, the longer you consider whether it is a good idea or not, the longer you stop yourself from what could be the next thing. What many times people forget is that even if they got a “no”, in having that definitive answer it would allow them to refocus their efforts in a new direction. Instead, they get stuck in the fear, which is the thing limiting their success.
What makes this even more heart-breaking is in most cases when people ask for what they want, they get what they want. Of course, not all of the time, but well over half the time. In not pushing through the fear of asking for what you want, you will never get what you want, and there is nothing worse than being the one to limit yourself. Ask for what you want…you might be surprised at what you get!